Continuing education on these subjects brings clarity, my joy is being sacrificed.
“Let today be the day you stop being haunted by the ghost of yesterday. Holding a grudge & harboring anger/resentment is poison to the soul. Get even with people…but not those who have hurt us, forget them, instead get even with those who have helped us.”
― Steve Maraboli, from Life, the Truth, and Being Free
There is pain out there, and in here.
Yes, I’ll admit it, I’ve been to the Landmark Forum. I truly embrace many of it’s building blocks and adore Werner Erhard.
During one of the Landmark Forum 4 day sessions the forum leader asks some people to volunteer for an onstage exercise. Clearly some did not know what them were in for.
He then instructs them too stand in two lines facing one another and get right up close to the paired partners face. There is to be no talking and the experiment will go on for several minutes.
Further suggestions give the participants the idea that they must not break the stare, just look and see each other. After a long period of silence and discomfort each time I have witnessed this event one or more people break down. Some collapsing, then breaking into tears.
One woman fell dangerously hard as if fainting and yelled out uncontrollably for minutes having to leave the room. Watching the event, I must admit of thoughts accusing them of hiring actors. It seemed so melodramatic and theater like.
Emotional pain manifests in becomes Physical Breakdown.
Upon the woman’s return the instructor asked for willingness to share what was occurring for her. The man she was looking at resembled her father who had somehow abused her. The event was more than 30 years old and all that pain was still trapped down inside of her just waiting to come out.
After my initial reaction of judgement faded I began to think of my own resentments, challenged relationships with family and old bosses who had fired me. Maybe even anger towards myself for dealing out abuse to my own body. While beginning to peel back my own onion, some emotional baggage began to emerge.
More breakdowns occurred for people in other segments of the forum. I was surprised who I could see in the pain of others who much time and energy is being wasted. But, when that same anger and bitterness is in me, it seeks more hidden.
“Never hold resentments for the person who tells you what you need to hear; count them among your truest, most caring, and valuable friends.”
― Mike Norton, Just Another War Story
This piece was not intended to be about him, but he appeared so here’s an interesting short 3 minute video if your interested in Werner and his creation.
“As smoking is to the lungs, so is resentment to the soul; even one puff is bad for you.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert
For me, I’m sorry to admit, I think of certain things that have happened in my life repeatedly with remorse and regret. I can hardly have a meal without remembering some trauma from hundreds of tense evening meals as a child in a hateful divorce developing home.
Aches and pains arrive daily reminding of the carelessness that has been applied to my own health and body. Both pains seems to have a similar sting and sometimes I think they interact, one physical, one mental.
So what do we do?
One thing that works for me is to think of one good quality the person I’m angry at has. What is the best lesson they provided. If we are lucky some gratitude may take hold. If only for moments at a time, hopefully like a muscle more will develop.
My friends and I have released balloons, watching them fly away while saying what we are letting go out-loud. This can be a very powerful exercise. Similarly, some have suggested a God Box made out of a jar or other vessel. Those items that are no longer in our control at all can be placed inside while we ask for help to forgive and forget, or to be forgiven.
Late at night while I’m tossing and turning from pain in a shoulder that has endured two collar bones shattering my brain calls out for relief. Drugs are no long term cure and I’ve had to learn kinder and more practical ways to detour pain.
As that piece of misplaced bone can be felt pushing up into my neck I place a pillow tightly in between my shoulder and face. Suddenly my brain relaxes because that seems normal and reinterprets the stimulus alleviating the perceived the pain.
Too many people believe that everything must be pleasurable in life, which makes them constantly search for distractions and short-circuits the learning process. — Robert Greene
Often, when experiencing a baby crying I try to do the same for the infant. A kind redirect, a startling out of one state of emotional pain into something better. A big smile, or a question “now just what have you got to cry about” I say. It’s really amazing how often it works.
I hope you found some value in this article, if you follow the links above for more of my recent work, maybe another will resonate. Until next time, Cheers, Christopher
© Christopher Boswell 2019. All Rights Reserved.
